30 Ways to Ensure Death at the Hands of TFP Breakdown
1. Write a lemony BulkheadXBreakdown fanfiction.
2. Push him out the window and into the waiting arms of his fangirls.
3. Spike his energon with Viagra.
4. Put bubblegum on his eye patch.
5. Dress yourself up as one of the "Knights Who Say 'Ne' and follow him around while repeating the word "Ne" in an extremely high-pitched voice.
6. Hug him.
8. Brag to everyone you see that Breakdown has the BIGGEST crush on Airachnid.
9. Dress as Santa Claus in the middle of June and force every Minibot you see to sit in your lap and recant a list of desired items.
10. Dress as a rabbi and attempt to "fly" off the deck of the Nemesis.
11. Make up a parody of "Which Backstreet Boy is Gay?" that goes along the lines of, "-One big 'Con is thaaaaaat way- We all know Breeeeaakdown's gay; Tell me why! Ain't sayin' he likes Knooock Out! Tell me why! Ain't sayin' he likes Sooouuundwave! Tell me why! Ain't sayin' he likes Staaaaarscream! I think it's pretty obvious
We all know, Breeeeaakdown's gay!".
12. Beat him with a straw hat.
13. Hire a little Mexican man to follow him around wide-eyed.
14. Begin a random break dance on his recharge berth.
15. Find a dead bird, one that has likely been sitting in the hot sun for about 10 hours. Hold it by the wing, and repeatedly shove it into Breakdown's face, declaring that, "IT LOVES YOU, BREAKDOWN!"
16. Replace his real hammer with a squeaky rubber hammer.
17. Force him to watch reruns of "Operation Repo".
18. Refer to Megatron as "Rasputin".
19. Tape a picture of Osama bin Laden to his rear end and go all Patriot on it.
20. Scream, "I'M A BIRD! I'M A BIRD!" without fail in the wee hours of the morning.
21. Attempt to initiate a Cybertronian mating call.
22. Suddenly scream and shove a random object into your mouth.
23. Sing "Hot Mess" by Cobra Starship whenever he is in the room with Knock Out.
24. Use his missing optic as a hacky sack.
25. Arrange to have a "Dress as a Character from David Copperfield Day"
without informing Breakdown.
26. Smoosh a handful of collard greens into his empty optic socket.
27. Smile and tell him he looks like a gorilla using high quantities of anabolic steroids.
28. Go out on a busy stretch of highway and search for a dead skunk, one that has preferably been ran over multiple times. Take it and put it in the ventilation system leading to Breakdown's quarters.
29. Smile as he goes in and asks what stinks.
30. Stuff his spare parts drawer with My Little Pony toys.
"What the frag is all this scrap!? No one in their right mind would even try to do this to me! Whoever this 'agi-nekonin' is, she's going to get it!"
As he got up from his computer, he suddenly caught a whiff of a foul odor. He scowled and opened the hatch to the ventilation system. To his horror, he saw a decomposing skunk laying in the vents.
"WHO PUT THIS HERE!?!?"
In another room, Starscream and Knock Out snickered despite the fact their hands reeked of the dead mammal. They quieted down as the larger mech stormed down the hall and resumed snickering.
"Breakdown, where are you going?" Megatron asked, bored out of his mind.
"I'm going to go kill a human called 'agi-nekonin'!"
"Oh yes, I've been meaning to kill her for a long time over those fanfictions
though the one involving Optimus is quite hilarious